Tuesday, 28 June 2016

Invisible Illness

Oh my it's been a while. I've really let things slide, thank you for your patience. I've just been absolutely shattered. I'm only working part time, and I do love my job, but it really has been taking it out of me. I guess I'm now seeing the effects of having been forced back to work while my health was far from ideal by having failed my ESA health assessment last year. Yes, I can work, just as they said. I'm perfectly capable of dragging my aching body out of bed in the morning and off to face the public for the day; I can be cheerful and helpful and do my job well, and I do all these things willingly but it has taken its toll, if not physically then certainly mentally and emotionally.

By the end of the day, I am drained. I have given it all I have. It is all I can do to throw something in the oven from the freezer or make a sandwich, I haven't the energy or inclination to cook. I don't want to talk, not even online because I've been repeating the same phrases over and over all day and my mind is like tangled yarn... I need to unravel it before I can make anything useful. And sometimes that can take days.

By which time I'm back at work.

Invisible illnesses are hard work. Everyone expects you to perform like everyone else because you don't look ill. Imagine strapping on a rucksack full of bricks before you left the house each day and going about your routines as normal. The smallest of things, beyond what you need to do, becomes an effort. Everything is judged by what has to be done and what you'd like to do because doing both isn't an option. Simple pleasures such as writing have fallen by the wayside in favour of rest and building up my reserves ready to face the world again.